SAMPLE COVER
LETTER CRITIQUE
Below
Average Cover Letter Submitted to
us:
John Doe
City, State, Zip Code
Phone Number
Email
Date
Human Resources Manager
Consumer Packaged Goods
Company
Address
City, State, Zip Code
To whom it may concern,
I am writing in
reply to the classified ad I saw
in the daily newspaper seeking to
fill the position of Marketing
Assistant.
I am currently
employed as a Marketing Assistant
and seek to further groom my
communication skills and
frontline experience with
customers. My experience includes
an insurance and marketing
background, as well as experience
with administrative duties. I
worked as a personal lines
underwriter for 5 years and then
as a commercial lines underwriter
for another two before moving
onto a marketing position for the
past year. I am looking for a
career where I can contribute
these skills towards servicing
customer needs, in a position
using my leadership skills.
I am accustomed to
a fast-paced environment where
deadlines are a priority and
handling multiple jobs
simultaneously is a requirement.
I enjoy a challenge and work hard
to attain my goals. I possess
strong organizational skills and
attention to detail. I am able to
work with minimal supervision. I
have developed excellent oral and
written communication skills. I
have the ability to deal
professionally and maintain a
high level of confidentiality. In
addition I have the ability to
exercise initiative and work
independently. I believe with
these recognized skills I would
be an asset to your corporation.
I believe my
educational background and my
work related duties qualifies me
for consideration for the
position of Marketing Assistant.
I look forward to discussing how
my skills can be of value to you
as it prepares to move ahead.
Sincerely,
John Doe
---
Critique
For: John Doe
CRITERIA
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RATING
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COMMENTS
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| COVER
LETTER |
Below
Average
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- Why
waste space by adding the
employer’s address?
The person receiving the
cover letter presumably
already knows where their
own company is located. A
cover must be kept short
and to the point. It
cannot be more than one
page so you only have so
much room to work with.
Don’t waste space
with unnecessary items. - The
purpose of a cover letter
is to get you an
interview so make sure
everything you say works
towards that goal only.
The fact that you saw the
ad in the local newspaper
rather than some online
job board may help the HR
people determine which
postings are working
better to get responses
but this doesn’t
help you get an interview
so why waste with this
unnecessary information?
A less generic opening
would help.
- There
is a lot of repetition.
Stay focused and don’t
repeat points.
- If
the position you are
aiming for is a marketing
position with a consumer
packaged goods company
then why mention all your
experience in insurance?
Again, stay focused and
don’t include
irrelevant items on the
cover letter.
- Most
of your sentences begin
with "I". Use
more variation in
sentence structure.
- The
qualifications you list
on your letter are mostly
unsubstantiated clichés.
Every one says that they
have good communication
skills, work well in a
team, have good
leadership skills, and so
forth, so why should an
employer believe you? Or
if they do accept that
you do possess these
skills then why should an
employer believe your
skills are better
than the next person? You
need to back up what you
say in your letter.
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