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SAMPLE COVER LETTER CRITIQUE

Below Average Cover Letter Submitted to us:

John Doe 
City, State, Zip Code 
Phone Number 
Email 

Date 


Human Resources Manager 
Consumer Packaged Goods Company 
Address 
City, State, Zip Code 

To whom it may concern, 

I am writing in reply to the classified ad I saw in the daily newspaper seeking to fill the position of Marketing Assistant.

I am currently employed as a Marketing Assistant and seek to further groom my communication skills and frontline experience with customers. My experience includes an insurance and marketing background, as well as experience with administrative duties. I worked as a personal lines underwriter for 5 years and then as a commercial lines underwriter for another two before moving onto a marketing position for the past year. I am looking for a career where I can contribute these skills towards servicing customer needs, in a position using my leadership skills.

I am accustomed to a fast-paced environment where deadlines are a priority and handling multiple jobs simultaneously is a requirement. I enjoy a challenge and work hard to attain my goals. I possess strong organizational skills and attention to detail. I am able to work with minimal supervision. I have developed excellent oral and written communication skills. I have the ability to deal professionally and maintain a high level of confidentiality. In addition I have the ability to exercise initiative and work independently. I believe with these recognized skills I would be an asset to your corporation.

I believe my educational background and my work related duties qualifies me for consideration for the position of Marketing Assistant. I look forward to discussing how my skills can be of value to you as it prepares to move ahead.

Sincerely, 

John Doe 

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Critique For: John Doe

CRITERIA

RATING

COMMENTS

COVER LETTER

Below Average

- Why waste space by adding the employer’s address? The person receiving the cover letter presumably already knows where their own company is located. A cover must be kept short and to the point. It cannot be more than one page so you only have so much room to work with. Don’t waste space with unnecessary items.

- The purpose of a cover letter is to get you an interview so make sure everything you say works towards that goal only. The fact that you saw the ad in the local newspaper rather than some online job board may help the HR people determine which postings are working better to get responses but this doesn’t help you get an interview so why waste with this unnecessary information? A less generic opening would help.

- There is a lot of repetition. Stay focused and don’t repeat points.

- If the position you are aiming for is a marketing position with a consumer packaged goods company then why mention all your experience in insurance? Again, stay focused and don’t include irrelevant items on the cover letter.

- Most of your sentences begin with "I". Use more variation in sentence structure.

- The qualifications you list on your letter are mostly unsubstantiated clichés. Every one says that they have good communication skills, work well in a team, have good leadership skills, and so forth, so why should an employer believe you? Or if they do accept that you do possess these skills then why should an employer believe your skills are better than the next person? You need to back up what you say in your letter.


 

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